Fic (White Collar): Deal With It

[cookiegirl]

Title: Deal With It
Author: cookielaura
Characters: Neal Caffrey, Peter Burke, gen
Rating: G
Word Count: 730
Spoilers: None
Warnings: Crack
Beta: wise_old_crone
Summary: Neal accidentally acquires a baby, as you do. Dialogue-only ficlet, set season 1.
Notes: For ohcaptain, inspired by her comment here. Fills the 'accidental baby acquisition square' on my trope-bingo card.



‘Oh, hey Neal. What brings you here?’

‘Hey Peter. Just thought I’d drop by. Seemed like a nice day to spend in Brooklyn. I thought you might need a hand with yardwork, or walking Satch, or something.’

‘Um, okay. Thank you.’

‘There’s no need to look at me so suspiciously. I just thought it would be fun to spend the day together.’

‘I feel like we do that enough.’

‘At work, maybe. But colleagues should bond outside of work too.’

‘I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t call us colleagues.’

‘Okay, well, I’d love to debate that with you, but I should really pay the cab driver, and I left something on the back seat.’

‘Go on then.’

‘Right. Have you, y’know? Got any cash?’

‘Are you serious?’

‘I don’t have any change, I left in a rush.’

‘To come over here and help with the yardwork.’

‘Yes, exactly.’

‘…Fine. Here. You can pay me back on Monday.’

‘I’ll definitely do that. Wait here.’

‘Neal, is that… is that Mozzie driving? Did you just use my money to pay Mozzie?’

‘I told you to wait there.’

‘And is that… is that a baby?!’

‘I believe so.’

‘Why is it a baby?’

‘How existential of you, Peter. I don’t think she has quite the necessary brainpower to debate that with you yet, though.’

‘Bring it inside, now.’

‘Her. Bring her inside.’

‘I don’t care, just stop standing on my doorstep with someone else’s baby!’

‘Fine. I’m glad she’s still sleeping, with a welcome like that.’

‘Who is she?’

‘I’m not…entirely sure.’

‘Well, where did she come from?’

‘Do we need to have a discussion about the birds and the bees, Peter?’

‘Neal. Explain.’

‘Okay. When a man loves a woman –’

‘About the baby! This baby! Explain why this specific baby is in my living room!’

‘Oh. I seem to have, uh, accidentally acquired her. So I guess she’s my responsibility, for a while. Well, our responsibility now.’

‘Nope, still yours.’

‘Your support warms my heart.’

‘I’m glad. Let me ask you this. Did you steal the baby?’

‘No. Absolutely not. Not on purpose.’

‘Not on purpose?’

‘Well, Mozzie and I –’

‘No, you know what, I don’t wanna know.’

‘Plausible deniability?’

‘Yes. Just tell me she’s going to be returned to her rightful owner.’

‘Mozzie’s trying to get in contact with the mother right now.’

‘Great.’

‘What should we do with the baby in the meantime?’

‘I don’t know! Just… deal with it accordingly!’

‘I’m trying to. Why do you think I’m here?’

‘You thought I could help you?’

‘No, of course not.’

‘Oh, thanks.’

‘I thought Elizabeth could help.’

‘El’s not here.’

‘I can see that, thank you.’

‘She’s waking up.’

‘Elizabeth?’

‘No, the baby. The baby’s waking up.’

‘Oh. Ohhh, heyyy, sweetie, how are you? My name’s Neal, and this is mean old Uncle Peter.’

‘Charming. I’m the one who’s put a roof over her head.’

‘You want to hold her?’

‘No. Babies don’t like me.’

‘I genuinely cannot imagine why.’

‘Me neither.’

‘She’s looking at you. Maybe she does like you. Say hello.’

‘Say hello?’

‘It’s a simple concept.’

‘Okay…okay. Hi… girl.’

…

‘Neal, stop laughing!’

‘I’m sorry. Please, continue to address her like a horse.’

‘I told you I wasn’t good at this. How long are you expecting her to be here?’

‘I don’t – oh, here, take her while I take this call.’

‘Neal! …Neal? Okay. Okay, we can do this. We can be on our own, right little one? Yes, yes that’s my finger. Oh, you’ve got a good grip there. Hmm, that’s funny is it?’

‘Peter? You doing alright there?’

‘Yeah. Yeah, she’s actually… I think we like each other. She’s got my finger.’

‘I’m glad you’ve bonded. Good news, the mother managed to contact Moz just after he left. He’s picking her up, they’ll be here in a half hour.’

‘Oh. That’s good. It’s…soon.’

‘You okay, Peter?’

‘Fine. I’ll just – I’ll just hold her until they get here, shall I? To save you the trouble.’

‘Well, if you insist.’

‘I do.’

‘See, I knew this was the right place to come. I’ll be sure to bring you all the babies I accidentally acquire in future.’

‘I…don’t know what to say to that.’

‘You don’t need to say anything, Peter. It’s settled. You know, I bet this sort of thing is more common than we realise…’

Comments

[elrhiarhodan]

Awwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And yes, Peter is awesome with babies, he just didn't know it.

[cookiegirl]

Hee! Peter turns out to be awesome at most things :D Thanks for reading!

[china_shop]

HEEEEEEEE! This is fabulous! I love their voices here. \o/

[cookiegirl]

Aww, thank you so much :D

[jerusha]

Accidental baby acquisition is THE BEST. Hee!

[cookiegirl]

Haha gotta love the classics :) Thanks for reading!

[morganslady.livejournal.com]

Peter is good with kids,and he didn't even know it.. Great job with the 'voices' I could hear them.

[cookiegirl]

Hee! *smishes Peter*
Thanks so much :D

[ohcaptain.livejournal.com]

I'M GLAD SHE'S STILL SLEEPING WITH A WELCOME LIKE THAT omg

Thank you so much for this! It was a wonderful little pick-me-up at the end of a long day. I don't think anyone has ever written me a fic before!

[cookiegirl]

Aww you're very welcome, so glad you liked it :D x

[wise-old-crone.livejournal.com]

I'm not usually one to rub it in, but there's a big ole "I told you so" on the tip of my tongue. - See, of course others loved it, too.

Ya old worrywart :-)

[cookiegirl]

Me? Worry?! I'm sure you have me mistaken with someone else... *shifty eyes*

:D

[ultracape.livejournal.com]

Adorable. It was very Neal and very Peter.

[cookiegirl]

Aww, thank you :)

[caseyf123.livejournal.com]

That was adorable. Definitely made me smile.

[cookiegirl]

Thank you, I'm so glad :)

[hurinhouse.livejournal.com]

adorable! now I want to see the scene where neal and mozzie acquired her. :)

[cookiegirl]

Thank you! Heh, I wouldn't mind seeing that either :D

[scarym1.livejournal.com]

LOL!!!! Love the banter and how at the end Peter insists on holding the baby until the mom shows up. : )

[cookiegirl]

Thanks so much :)

[ladyrose42.livejournal.com]

Of course Mozzie is involved!

[cookiegirl]

Of course :D
Thanks for reading!

[pipilj.livejournal.com]

Aww an adorable story had me grinning through out. u got their voices down to a T.

[cookiegirl]

Thanks for the lovely feedback :)

[ficwriterjet.livejournal.com]

LOL - That was the funniest prompt. The story seems to fit the fandom with Neal and Moz and all the shenanigans they get up to. :) Very sweet to have Peter thinking the baby's not so bad by the end.

[cookiegirl]

Aww, thank you :D

[leesa_perrie]

Aww, this is so funny and cute!! And of course Neal and Mozzie might, erm, accidentally acquire a baby! That's just the sort of thing that would happen to them!! :D :D Peter is awesome in this too!

[cookiegirl]

Hee, thank you so much :D

[kanarek13]

Heeeeee, so epic :D LOL, yeah, Peter is great with kids once he gets over the initial shock of exposure :D :D :D

And I love it how Neal assumes that he might accidentally acquire a baby again, lol :D

[cookiegirl]

Haha thank you! :D

[lov-pb.livejournal.com]

I'm still laughing. Absolutely adored this! The voices were hilarious. When Neal began about the birds and the bees, I almost choked on my drink ...

[cookiegirl]

Aww, that's lovely to hear, thank you! X

[sherylyn]

LOL Oh, geeeeez!! I adore this version of this saga. It's much, much more enjoyable than the version I've dreamed of for years. O.o You know those dreams almost everyone gets, in some form or other, where you're trying to do something all night, or you're not prepared for a test, or a job, or whatever? For years now, mine has been that I suddenly have a baby to take care if, and I spend all night trying to figure out if I should buy diapers fist, or bottles, or clothes, or… ! Yeah, next time, Ll just had the baby over to Neal or Peter — make the whole dream better!! (And I'd end up dreaming that tonight, I may die laughing when I wake up!!)

Great job, seriously. I love how I can visualize this in my head, *completely*, even with it being "only" dialogue. Absolutely adorable!!

[cookiegirl]

LOL, I really hope the dream ends that way next time :D I get similar dreams (I managed to have a dream the other day where I was babysitting for a friend's child, and somewhere along the way, the child turned into a chocolate bar, and it was my fault and I was so scared to tell the parents! /o\/o\) but sadly I never seem to dream about Neal or Peter :(

And yayyy, thank you! :)

[sherylyn]

LOLOL Dreams are soooo bizarre at times, that's for sure! :-P I've dreamed of WC things at times, but they're generally bizarre, too, in some way or other. I think my brain's just wired to dream *weird*! LOL!!