Fic: It's The Thought That Counts

[cookiegirl]

The second challenge of jossverse_las  is over, and I got through. I’m pleased with the result, though seeing as there were only four votes other than mine, it wasn’t exactly an epic win! This was the fic I wrote, for the prompt Emotional Baggage. It's my first time writing Spuffy, so yay! Though once it was finished, I realised it was perhaps a little too similar to a previous fic I wrote for Torchwood. Still, here it is and I hope someone enjoys it! I’d love some constructive feedback if anyone has the time or inclination :)

Title: It’s The Thought That Counts
Author: cookielaura 
Characters/Pairings: Buffy/Spike, mentions of Buffy/Riley, Giles and Scoobies
Wordcount: 367
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Mild references to sex, spoilers for season 6
Disclaimer: Buffy is not mine, and I’m not making any money from this.

 

It's The Thought That Counts

She goes to him. She pushes him, hits him, kisses him, drags her nails across his back, lets him –

There are a lot of things she regrets doing.

But there is one thing she never does. She never thinks of him.

*

The first time, in the alleyway, she thinks about her friends. She thinks about where she was, and where she is now, and the happiness and peace they stole from her. She pictures their stricken faces as she sang out the truth, and she can’t bring herself to care. She hates herself for the blankness inside her, and she reaches for the only thing that can start the spark flickering again, that can make her pulse race and her stomach clench, that can make her feel. But it’s just about her friends.

*

The second time, in The Bronze, she thinks of Giles. Well, not like that, obviously. She thinks of how lost she is, and how broken, and how much she still needs his steady, guiding presence in her life. She wonders frantically how she’ll cope without it, and she shakes with anger, confusion and abandonment. Then Spike arrives, and she pushes her fear and her loss and her tongue into him for what seems like hours. Afterwards, he growls quietly into her ear that he’ll never leave her, that he’s the only one who gives a damn, and she finds herself suddenly struggling to breathe past the ache in her chest. Still, it’s only about Giles.

*

In what she tells herself should be the last time, she thinks about Riley. She thinks about the life she can never have, the perfect wife she will never be, the love and trust she threw away. The relationship that crashed and burned… the relationship that was never as hot, or as real, or as all-encompassing as – No. It’s all about Riley.

*

He wants to ask her things. Is she staying the night? Can they use the handcuffs? Will she stop whinging about her idiot mates for a second and put her mouth to better use?

And is it him she’s thinking of when they’re together?

He asks them all. She answers the first three.

Comments

[ebineez01.livejournal.com]

oh that was amazing! congrats to you for winning the second round as well - you're a star!
I had to use a skip as life & work at the moment are way too hectic! I hope I'll be able to write up something for the next one - otherwise I might have to pull out. :(

& as promised I've FINALLY edited my UK trip to just mostly the JB stuff for you to read. I'll email it to you now - it's still really long though. (I did see him alot :) )

[cookiegirl]

Yayyy, thankyou! I was getting paranoid at the complete lack of commenting on this! Sorry life's so hectic for you, hope it's a positive hectic rather than rubbish hectic though?

I think I'll probably have to skip this next challenge - not got much free time this week either! Hope you manage to write something :)

Thanks for the email, I'm looking forward to reading it all through! But I can instantly tell, seeing as it's about 15 pages, that I'm going to be INCREDIBLY jealous by the end! :D Will reply when I've read it! x

[gillo]

That's very touching - a lovely sense of her emptiness and neediness. And total denial of reality, of course. My poor girl. And poor Spike, too.

[karaokegal.livejournal.com]

Awwwww! Oh Buffy! The world would have been better if you could have been a little more honest with yourself and those around you. OH WELL. I love how you really caught Spike's voice at the end.

[cookiegirl]

Thankyou sweetie! I love writing Spike, and also Buffy's idiotic self-delusion...bless her. x