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cookiegirlA couple of Torchwood crackfics!
Title: Bundle of Joy
Author:cookiegirl
Characters/Pairings: Tosh, Owen
Wordcount: 174
Rating: G
Notes: for the prompt "Any, Any, Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder" frombadly_knitted
"That is one ugly baby," Owen said, looking down at the little bundle on Tosh's lap.
"Owen!" she scolded him.
"What? It's not like it can understand me."
"It's not an it, it's a he," Tosh said, rearranging the blanket that the little one was wrapped in. "And I'm sure his mother thought he was beautiful, before she died."
Owen screwed up his face. "I doubt that. Now could you put it - him - down? I need to examine him."
Tosh held the baby closer. "Maybe we could keep him? I think he's kind of cute." She was about to go on, but a sharp pain shot through her hand. She shrieked and yanked her hand away from her lap.
"He bit me!" she declared, shocked.
Owen smirked and lifted the bundle from her lap. "Maybe not such a good idea to adopt a baby weevil, huh?"
Tosh sucked on her bleeding finger and watched sulkily as Owen gently laid the weevil on the examination table.
"Still better than some of your ideas," she muttered.
Title: Unusual Appendages
Author:cookiegirl
Characters/Pairings: Jack, Ianto, Owen, Jack/Ianto
Wordcount: 467
Rating: PG, mild sexual references
Notes: for the prompt "Torchwood, Any, Flippers" frombadly_knitted
"I'm genuinely sorry," Owen tells Ianto, but he doesn't look genuinely sorry. He looks like he's trying very hard to keep a straight face. And he sounds like he's apologising only because Jack told him he'd be spending the next month cleaning every piece of lab equipment in The Hub with a toothbrush if he didn't.
"It was supposed to be funny," Owen continues, and Ianto can see the laughter struggling to escape from behind Owen's pursed mouth. He wants to wring Owen's neck, but Jack has expressly forbidden it.
And anyway, as clumsy as Ianto is at moving right now, he probably couldn't get the jump on Owen. Not when his feet are twice their usual size, weirdly flat and have webbed toes.
"Jokes aren't funny when they harm a member of my staff," Jack says sternly, staring Owen down. Though Ianto thinks that maybe, he can see the slightest hint of a smile on Jack's face too.
"It'll wear off by morning," Owen says for the third time in the last ten minutes. "It's really not such a big deal." He notices Jack's face darken and hurries to continue. "But I definitely won't play any more practical jokes with the Tonnhun's oceanification fluids again. Promise."
Jack nods. "Good. Get out of my office," he says, and Owen scarpers, leaving Jack and Ianto alone. Ianto scuffs one flipper-like foot along the floor self-consciously.
Jack puts out a hand and squeezes Ianto's shoulder. "Your feet really will be back to normal soon," he says. "The Tonnhun only use the fluid for temporary transformation when they have to travel via the seas. You'll be flipper-less in no time."
Ianto gives a short nod. "I think I'll go home, if that's okay," he says, already trying to figure out how he'll manage to drive with his current limb problem.
Jack frowns. "Why not stay here?" he says. "Everyone else will be gone in an hour or so. We can spend some time doing..." He pauses, grins. "Whatever."
Ianto feels heat creep into his cheeks. "It's okay," he says awkwardly. "You don't have to pretend."
"Pretend what?"
Ianto shifts from flipper to flipper. "That you find me attractive when I'm like this. I know I look-"
"I think you look awesome," Jack says, his concerned expression breaking into a grin.
Ianto blinks. "Are you mad?"
Jack shrugs. "I like a bit of variety," he says. "And trust me, I've had a lot weirder encounters than a man with flipper feet."
"So you want..." Ianto trails off, bemused.
"Flipper sex?" Jack grins. "Of course. How could you think I wouldn't?"
Ianto snorts. Now that Jack puts it like that...
"Alright, I'll stay. But you better make the most of these things while they're here; I'm never going near Tonnhun fluids again!"
Title: Bundle of Joy
Author:
cookiegirl Characters/Pairings: Tosh, Owen
Wordcount: 174
Rating: G
Notes: for the prompt "Any, Any, Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder" from
badly_knitted "That is one ugly baby," Owen said, looking down at the little bundle on Tosh's lap.
"Owen!" she scolded him.
"What? It's not like it can understand me."
"It's not an it, it's a he," Tosh said, rearranging the blanket that the little one was wrapped in. "And I'm sure his mother thought he was beautiful, before she died."
Owen screwed up his face. "I doubt that. Now could you put it - him - down? I need to examine him."
Tosh held the baby closer. "Maybe we could keep him? I think he's kind of cute." She was about to go on, but a sharp pain shot through her hand. She shrieked and yanked her hand away from her lap.
"He bit me!" she declared, shocked.
Owen smirked and lifted the bundle from her lap. "Maybe not such a good idea to adopt a baby weevil, huh?"
Tosh sucked on her bleeding finger and watched sulkily as Owen gently laid the weevil on the examination table.
"Still better than some of your ideas," she muttered.
Title: Unusual Appendages
Author:
cookiegirl Characters/Pairings: Jack, Ianto, Owen, Jack/Ianto
Wordcount: 467
Rating: PG, mild sexual references
Notes: for the prompt "Torchwood, Any, Flippers" from
badly_knitted "I'm genuinely sorry," Owen tells Ianto, but he doesn't look genuinely sorry. He looks like he's trying very hard to keep a straight face. And he sounds like he's apologising only because Jack told him he'd be spending the next month cleaning every piece of lab equipment in The Hub with a toothbrush if he didn't.
"It was supposed to be funny," Owen continues, and Ianto can see the laughter struggling to escape from behind Owen's pursed mouth. He wants to wring Owen's neck, but Jack has expressly forbidden it.
And anyway, as clumsy as Ianto is at moving right now, he probably couldn't get the jump on Owen. Not when his feet are twice their usual size, weirdly flat and have webbed toes.
"Jokes aren't funny when they harm a member of my staff," Jack says sternly, staring Owen down. Though Ianto thinks that maybe, he can see the slightest hint of a smile on Jack's face too.
"It'll wear off by morning," Owen says for the third time in the last ten minutes. "It's really not such a big deal." He notices Jack's face darken and hurries to continue. "But I definitely won't play any more practical jokes with the Tonnhun's oceanification fluids again. Promise."
Jack nods. "Good. Get out of my office," he says, and Owen scarpers, leaving Jack and Ianto alone. Ianto scuffs one flipper-like foot along the floor self-consciously.
Jack puts out a hand and squeezes Ianto's shoulder. "Your feet really will be back to normal soon," he says. "The Tonnhun only use the fluid for temporary transformation when they have to travel via the seas. You'll be flipper-less in no time."
Ianto gives a short nod. "I think I'll go home, if that's okay," he says, already trying to figure out how he'll manage to drive with his current limb problem.
Jack frowns. "Why not stay here?" he says. "Everyone else will be gone in an hour or so. We can spend some time doing..." He pauses, grins. "Whatever."
Ianto feels heat creep into his cheeks. "It's okay," he says awkwardly. "You don't have to pretend."
"Pretend what?"
Ianto shifts from flipper to flipper. "That you find me attractive when I'm like this. I know I look-"
"I think you look awesome," Jack says, his concerned expression breaking into a grin.
Ianto blinks. "Are you mad?"
Jack shrugs. "I like a bit of variety," he says. "And trust me, I've had a lot weirder encounters than a man with flipper feet."
"So you want..." Ianto trails off, bemused.
"Flipper sex?" Jack grins. "Of course. How could you think I wouldn't?"
Ianto snorts. Now that Jack puts it like that...
"Alright, I'll stay. But you better make the most of these things while they're here; I'm never going near Tonnhun fluids again!"
